Aight, Check it out. Aight

Aight, so check it out, I'm back.
Been a while but it's Chris here and feeling rather sleepy at this point in time. I really don't have much to say this time and this really isn't going to be a very well thought out post but... Aight so check it out.

Now I just finished watching the Howard Stern movie thing on ... HBO I think it was. Now I've always been a fan of ole' Howard and I do so love his work, but after watching this "piece of crap", pardon my french*, I feel it's necessary to state that I am now totally respecting Howard Stern and all that. Yo.

Aight so the whole movie was about being misunderstood. By showing his "rise to power" it seems as if it's just some lame push at giving himself a little bit more credibility and a lot more sympathy. I for one am conveniently ignoring that aspect in favor for the moral values that this movie imparts, which although far from being a role model, does portray Mr. Stern as a somewhat "Anti-Hero" if you will.
Aight so HOW you ask? Go watch the movie. This is not a Movie review blog. That and it's 2 a.m and I'm tired.

Lately I've been puttering around doing things that will hopefully take my mind off my current predicament. Which is for those of you who I like to keep horribly misinformed is that I need to start doing something productive with my life. Now it is at this time that my education kicks in and I ask you, the good people of the reading-my-blog-e-ness, what the definition of productive is. Perhaps productive is something that betters myself. Well I'm more relaxed, which is better and have more free time to pursue my many whims and fancies which is a good thing because it keeps me creative and all that. Or maybe it's something that benefits others. Which I might argue that in my very being I am in some way benefiting(splol) others... What then do people expect me to be doing?

It's a shame that all that money has been poured into something that has turned out so, flawed. I should be making money. Getting a job that will benefit society, a real job. I should have a skill. A tangible skill that will allow me to sustain myself. I should at least be sacrificing myself in order to bring others joy. I should at least be sacrificing myself in order to enjoy my life later and have security. I keep hearing all these superficial remarks along the lines of "Don't worry, most people have no idea what they want to do with their lives until they're 40. Some of them still don't." I know they mean well, but to me, it's just another redundant statement.

In actuality I believe that most everybody knows what they want. It's whether they have the courage, or the means to achieve it. The real battle is settling for the road of compromise. Others may be able to float along, accept and rise to the road they have previously chosen or have been set upon. I however can't. More honestly, won't. For me it's all or nothing. Finding that first step to gamble on it is what terrifies me.

I won't lie. I am a coward. Not in the traditional sense of the word depicting someone of low moral character, no, I do not believe in that judgemental archetype. If it is right before God I will not hesitate to do it. Neither do I believe that being afraid is a sin. Times and perspectives change, but truth is always the same. A coward in the base sense of the word to me is someone who will not do something that he feels is necessary out of fear. I believe that it is necessary, for me to succeed in this world, to acquire the skills to make lots of freekan money. However what I want might be in conflict with that. So what is it that I want? Do I have the courage to pursue it and risk losing my past? Or do I have the courage to take the road well trodden and forsake my dreams... and what IS that?

If I am to live in this world, what then do people expect me to do?

I believe that the answer is "What everyone else is doing."

Fuck that**.

MMmmmm bourbon.***

* all those of you who, like me, speak french. I apologise for my hideous attempts at swearing in it.
** In the words of Little Miss Brit, "Oops, I did it again"
*** MMmmmm bourbon.